I witnessed something incredible the other night.
Julio was in the shower and I walked in and watched him. (This doesn’t happen often – we don’t live all that close to another and we lead totally seperate lives …)
While I am a total exhibitionist and love summer as an excuse to wear as little clothing as possible, he has issues with his body and you will rarely even catch him in shorts. So even though I know his body very intimately after almost 10 years of playing with it, getting the chance to look at him naked while I was fully clothed was kind of rare.
As I watched, his cock started growing. I watched it go from small and limp through several intermediate stages until it was the hard, cut and beautiful thing that still turns me on a decade later. I was kind of pleased by the thought that my gaze could still turn him on after all this time.
THEN he proceeded to demonstrate how he could – through sheer force of will and mental manipulation – make his hardon disappear again. He even kept it that way despite my taking out my own hard cock for him to see. Only when I grabbed his and put it in my mouth to suck did he lose control of it.
This revealed a lot about our different attitudes to our penises and sex (and specifically sex with guys).
Like he wrote in a previous post, Julio couldn’t get hard the first time we showed our cocks to one another. His dick is an extension of his emotions. He is unable to screw if we had a fight and he is not totally over it. Not surprisingly, he realised/decided that he is gay (almost exclusively – but that is another story) early on during our friendship.
On the other hand, my dick is a plaything for me, especially when it comes to playing with men. Only about 5 years into my fuckbuddy ‘relationship’ with Julio did it become even remotely plausible to me that I could have feelings of love or intimacy for a guy. It just didn’t compute.
Gay encounters were exhibitionist, adventurous, superficial fun, and still is with anyone but Julio. Emotional sex – the kind that you are into with your entire body and soul and that feels like going home - for me is something I get from just one female body in the entire world.
Except for Julio, sometimes, that is. Which makes me a one woman, and one man, man.
